Wake up- Spring Breakup Playlist
Love is a mother fucker – and you will get dumped.
To prepare you for this glorious day, we’ve comprised a breakup playlist featuring a healthy dose of Taylor Swift and Lily Allen to help ease the pain and get you through it all.
Stage 1: Denial
Song: I will survive, Gloria Gaynor
What the hell just happened? He doesn’t mean it. After the breakup, you’ll be in shock and you’ll want to deny the truth, unless of course, you’ve done this before. This stage may last minutes or, heaven forbid, even weeks, until he finally sets the record straight- again. You may listen to Gloria Gaynor’s I will survive and think you’ll be just fine until you realize you’re just postponing the inevitable pain and ignoring that it ever happened. No, you won’t just survive. It’s not that easy. There are more stages of the break-up to go through, and we haven’t reached Taylor Swift yet.
Stage 2: Depression
Song: Torn, Natalie Imbruglia
Reality kicks in. The shock has ended and you are no longer in denial. It’s time for tears, chocolate, girl chats, and hiding in your room. You thought you knew him and now he doesn’t even care. You’re ashamed you told him your secrets, introduced him to your family, and gave him your heart. You want to isolate yourself and play depressing music as you lay on the floor (seriously, that does happen).
“You may try to convince him to try again, or you may actually try again. But the reasons you broke up will creep up again and be the reasons you break up a second time.”
Stage 3: Hope
Song: All of me, John Legend
This is the most ridiculous stage of all: the part where you think you could get back together, because, all of you loves all of him. Because love is all you need, right? Wrong. Love is not all you need (stupid, Beatles). And please, for the love of god, do not have sex with him in your relapse stage. This will place you back to stage 1 when you realize you’re not getting back together. Which brings us to stage 4…
Stage 4: Reality
Song: We are never getting back together, Taylor Swift
Seriously. Now that you’ve learned you’re not getting back together, you can try to move on for real. Belt it out to Taylor Swift, shed a few more tears if you’d like, and surrender to the fact that it’s not meant to be and you’re not going to try. You’re leaving your sadness here. You’re stronger than this.
Stage 5: Anger
Song: Fuck you, Lily Allen
Your eyes have dried out and you’re pissed. You’re not just angry from the first break-up, you’re pissed at yourself for wanting to try again, or for actually trying again, and pissed at him for failing to be a good boyfriend – again. This is where you relive all the stuff that pissed you off and tell yourself you don’t need him or want him, anyway. So you listen to strong chick Lily Allen and sing along like you don’t give a shit anymore. Maybe throw in some Carly Simon with You’re So Vain and act like you’re better off alone anyway.
Why I Must Have Sex With You: Pad
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Lay it all on the line and tell your lover how it has to be.
Stage 6: Acceptance
Song: Knock you down, Keri Hilson
You’re ready to start doing things for yourself again: joining clubs, socializing with friends, focusing on your job. You understand why your relationship didn’t work out and know that you will be okay. You like this positive sing-along because it reminds you to stay strong after break ups and to get right up after being knocked down. You look forward to the next man who sweeps you off your feet.
Stage 7: You’ve moved on
Song: Somebody that I used to know, Gotye
You reflect on the heart ache you experienced and the lack of communication between you and your ex. You think of him with (fond) memories and peace of mind knowing that you’ve both moved on. Maybe now you can try and be friends (though I don’t recommend it, see stage 3) and focus on relationships with new significant others.
Months later…
Song: Every breath you take, The Police
Who are we kidding? By now, we’ll be A-OK, but we’ll still be obsessively checking your social media to see what you’re up to and if your new friends are as pretty as us…
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